


And the truth will always haunt me (Even though it set me free)

by MelSokis



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, I Tried, I had so many songs in mind while writing this, Lena's inner monologue, Lillian and Lex's impact on Lena's self worth, Post Reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 12:19:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18916858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelSokis/pseuds/MelSokis
Summary: Game night was game night, things just happened normally.It wasn't like Lena just found out Kara was Supergirl, killed her brother and drank her evening away.





	And the truth will always haunt me (Even though it set me free)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it, it was made out of love!

 

Game night was game night, things just happened normally.

It wasn't like Lena just found out Kara was Supergirl, killed her brother and drank her evening away.

At least that's what she wanted everyone to think, hands shaking from all the alcohol, the anger, the smile Kara gave her every time they won another round. Alex seemed to have faded into the background, only Kara and her. Laughs and couples rounded up for snacks while Lena stared at Kara, how had she never noticed how tense Kara was, the way her eyes never focused on her longer than seconds, how her hands flailed when she addressed her, only her.

Love, that's what she thought it was, she thought Kara wanted to kiss her, to hold her a minute longer after every hug, the way she always felt Kara's eyes on her back but never held her gaze. How endearing she used to find the way Kara fumbled with her glasses, just to find those glasses being the life line Kara had to her secret. How the excuses became more and more sloppy, how she assumed her best friend had noticed the longing in her green eyes. Maybe she did, maybe, just maybe, Kara didn't tell her for that reason, maybe she felt guilty because she saw Lena falling in love with her, every time she lied about Supergirl. Or just because she didn't trust her, she didn't want to say anything, she didn't want to lose control. Lena knew a thing or two about control and how everything can be crumbling down but secrets are always sealed.

 

“You okay there, Lena?” A voice shook her from her thoughts, Alex smiled at her.

“Yes, just a bit tired I guess.” She lied, cause she needed control, she needed to have the upper hand in this mess.

“That was a lot of wine, you need some water?” Kara, sweet and amazing Kara, Supergirl, asked.

“Yes, please if it's not a bother.” Lena tried to hold Kara's gaze, to read her eyes, gripping at straws hoping for guilt, for pain, for an apology, a reason. As usual, short eye contact and Kara flew to the kitchen. Flew, the cape, the suit, the near death experiences, it all came back to Lena with the force of a derailed train.

Standing up in an instant, she followed Kara's path to the kitchen, seeing her with two glasses, water and wine. Lena grabbed the glasses placing them on the counter, leaving Kara wondering. Lena couldn't take it, the lies, the love, the failed dates, the friendship she treasured hanging by a thread.

 

“Lena, are you alright?” Kara softly said.

“I should've done this since I walked into the room, Kara.”

Kara's frown made itself present.

Lena wanted to slap her, to yell, to argue all night long, to make sure Kara knew she couldn't do it anymore, it was more than she could handle. Wanted to let Kara know how little sanity she had left, how crumbled she was inside, so she hugged her. Holding onto Kara as much as she could, her Kara, her best friend, her one and only.

Hands shaking, maybe she did have a lot to drink, as she gripped onto the blonde's shoulders. Feeling warm arms surrounding her, Kara chuckled. “You're right, you should've.”  “Better late than never, right?” Mumbled Lena, feeling Kara tensing under her hands, she should've known, earlier, before she had become used to the hugs, the warmth, the perfect girl.

“I feel really woozy, I better get going.” Lena lied, ‘cause it was a second nature to her, and unlike Kara, she made it sound believable.

“Why don't I get you home?” Asked Kara trying to understand the change in Lena. With barely a nod, they began saying their goodbyes, excusing themselves with how tired they were, how the couples should stay and have fun, Nia might've said something along the lines of 'Not as much fun as you two’ but Lena was too out of it to know. Again, maybe she drank too much, she felt something bubbling up in her throat, okay then, she was going to puke.

“Lena?” That's it, her name, Kara always managed to make her focus only on her with the unique softness wrapped around her name. Not even her own mother said her name with quite the tenderness Kara did, she wonders if Kara ever came clean it would be with a strong voice, the kind she uses as Supergirl or the soft undertones of shyness she uses as Kara. She guesses she'll never find out. “Sorry, let's go.”

 

* * *

 

The ride to her apartment was quiet, tense and strange. The feeling of betrayal slowly leaving the air, as soon as Lena heard Kara's voice mumbling a soft song following the radio.

 _“Something about this doesn't feel right. Every time one of us, tries to leave here. Oh, the other one holds on tight”_ Kara's voice carried the song, one Lena had heard before,  the song continued, _“I won’t judge you, this could be our little secret. Our secret.”_ How ironic, Kara singing about secrets, maybe the universe did like to hurt her. _“Cause every time on_ _e of us, tries to justify the situation, we just hold on tighter_ ”

There it goes again, the bubbling feeling in her chest, the back of her throat itches, forcing her to cough up a small “I won't tell a soul.”  Kara stopped singing as the song faded into another one, looking at Lena. “What?” Kara looked panicked, Lena cursed her loved up brain that only focused on Kara's eyes, smile and perfume to notice how jumpy she got around her.

“The song, that was the line” “Oh, yeah” visibly relaxing Kara chuckled. While the driver pulled up into her building, Lena looked at Kara, seeing her was never an issue for her. Every time Kara walked into a room, Lena could see the nervous but excited energy she brought with her, the way she seemed to melt into her arms for a hug, the smile that said everything that 10 year old Lena wanted to hear, and then Kara actually uttered the words 'I missed you, Lena’. It was simple, yes, but it meant she thought about her, wanted her close and wanted to see her again. 

“Here you go, then” smiled Kara. “Come up, please” escaped Lena's lips. “Oh,” Kara chuckled “Sure”.

The whole ride up Lena tried to think about how to do it, how to bring it up, how to explain her hurt, her sadness.

The elevator doors opened, both of them walking in tandem, the door in front of them. Keys clicking, door unlocking and Lena's shallow breath. Small steps turned into shy silence between them, Kara looked out of place in her apartment, somehow smaller, even knowing she's a Kryptonian goddess, a hero, an invincible deity, here at mere steps from her she looked tired and young.

The air felt thick, too thick for comfort, Kara's gaze making Lena feel the need to tell her everything she's hiding. Turning around, busying herself out of her coat, she could hear Kara thinking, the way she changed her weight from one foot to the other, the breaths that became sighs but never words. Until, “Lena, i-” another sigh, the soles of Kara's shoes creaking against the polished floor. “I need to come clean, i-”

In that moment, she understood. The change in the air, the electricity floating to her fingers, the weight of the world falling onto her heart. Atlas was shrugging, Kara was letting go of the heaviness she carried every day, she was being honest.

That was all it took, Lena saw that they only had each other, Lena and Kara, not Luthor and Super, not reporter and CEO, Kara with the soft and kind eyes and Lena with arms always open for hugs and tears that sometimes seemed to never stop falling.

So she did what she had to, “No” Lena interrupted, not turning around, her back felt the gaze Kara had on her. “Don't” “Lena” The broken whisper felt like a stab between the ribs for her.

“I know, don't worry” she whispered back. “I know” turning to face the hero, Lena found the small reporter she once met with Clark, filled with uncertainty, shrinking into her skin to make room for everyone else, like she wasn't able to hold up the sky in her hands.

It was second nature, they were together, always. No one else would do, just them.

So they hugged, Kara spewing thousand apologies, honesty dropping from her lips, tears running from her kind eyes, trembling hands clutching onto her, as if afraid to let go. Chorus of ‘I wanted to tell you’, ‘It hurt to lie’, ‘i never wanted to lose you’ made Lena’s heart break in pieces.

“You and me, always.” She promised, she wanted to believe, she tried to believe.

“Are you mad at me? You should-” “No, Kara. I shouldn’t, i couldn’t” Lena looked at those blue eyes before her, holding out the hero’s face in her palms, making Kara sob softly at the tenderness of the touch.

“It’s silly, i wanted to be angry. I wanted Supergirl to tell me she was Kara. I wanted to see the squared shoulders and the suit. You know?” Kara’s sobs descended slowly, listening to Lena, shaking her head in confusion.

“I wanted to look at the cape, the symbol, the hero. I wanted it to be from Supergirl, to be able to get angry, to yell, to break everything around me, because she could take it, she is strong and invincible.” Laughing slowly she continued, “But it's Kara, my Kara, saying she’s Supergirl. The one person i can’t be angry at, the only one who could make it impossible to yell and lash out, by allowing me to do so.” Smiling at the girl in front of her, the girl who could shoot lasers out of her eyes, who was now allowing tears to slip from them. “You don’t have to say it, i don’t have to act like i know. i did that for long enough.” “How did you know?” Kara asked softly.

“Lex told me, or better saying showed me. All the times my mind said otherwise, every time my heart got in the way, the times i mistook your sudden movements when we were in danger with fear.” “I never meant to keep it from you for that long.” Kara tried to reason.

“I don’t think you did, at least some part of you wanted to tell me but denial is a very powerful thing” Lex’s voice rang around her head, she wanted to tell you she shot him to keep people from being in danger, but, she also shot him because he knew Kara was Supergirl and she wasn’t going to put another target on Kara’s back. It was more than enough being involved with a Luthor, let alone having Lillian, Lex and her close enough to hurt her.

He knew for months, he tried to hurt Kara by hurting his own sister, hurting his own sister by hurting Kara. A win-win situation if she’d ever seen one before, so she wouldn't allow it.

“My brother died trying to hurt me, to make me feel isolated from everyone around me, the people that knew about you and lied to me.” “We never meant for it to happen, we wanted to keep you safe, Lena” The undertones of tenderness almost deafening at this point.

“You had so much happening, with Lex and Lillian and Supergirl would’ve just been too much, i know it wasn't my decision to make but i did what i thought was right for us” “Us?”

Kara looked at her with tear streaked cheeks, red eyes and nose, small smile on her lips. “I wanted you to like for me, Kara the reporter, not her.” Sniffling lamely at her confession Kara shrugged.

“Kara, i liked you since before you were a reporter.”  “In that case, i liked you since before i was reporter.” A small chuckle fell from both of their lips.

“It’s going to be strange, i won’t lie to you. Sometimes it’ll be too much, I will be too much.” Lena held out her hands for Kara to take, almost instantly Kara did as much.

“I will knock down the DEO’s door if you’re hurt, i’ll call every time i see you on the news, as Kara or as Supergirl, i'll lock myself in the lab making things to keep you safe. There are going to be bad days, where i feel lied to, insecure and undeserving but that’s the Luthor in me, it won’t be your fault” Kara squeezed her hands, pulling her towards her chest, hugging her closer.

“I will be there, as Kara or Supergirl. It’s you and me, alright?” Nodding Lena added “You will always be Kara to me, the sweet and funny, the normal girl, the one who always offers to walk me home, the one i fell in love with”

Pulling away slightly Kara frowned, “You’re in love with me?” “With you Kara, i wish you were too.”

Kara looked at her for a second before nodding “Of course i am, how could i not?”

A smile spreading through Kara’s lips was halted when Lena continued “But all that time, all the lies and the deceit. As much as i love you i don’t think it will go away as easy, i don’t think an i’m sorry will do, for now.”

“I- I know, i didn’t expect any less, it does feels good to know that you don’t hate me” Lena looked at the blonde, Lillian’s voice saying she was alone and no one would want her, Lex’s voice saying she was a fool, her own heart breaking at the thought of not forgiving Kara instantly. The situation bringing her back to her old self, her teenage years spent being hurt and never letting go, never really allowing herself to be mad risking the only people she had around.

“That’s why i didn’t tell anyone back there, i didn’t want to lose you, or have you lie to me again. This is between us two, Lex already took something from you, i don’t want him to take something away from me-” “Take what?” Kara had never sounded so insecure as she did at that moment.

“You, Kara. That's what he wanted me to lose, to make me hate all of you and lose the only family i had ever known. To make me hate you, like he did.” Lena walked towards the couch, sitting down while gently beckoning Kara over.

“It’s funny, if you think about it. Lex and Clark had the same dynamic, best friends with a secret that could ruin them. Clark thought Lex would forgive him, understand him, we know he didn’t.” Kara sat down as she listened to the green eyed.

“I was afraid that it would happen to us, it’s not a Luthor thing, its a general fear. I thought it would’ve been too late for us like it was for them.” Lena smiled.

“Let me tell you a little secret, one that Lex and my mother tried to bury for years. Lex would’ve been able to forgive him with time, with space, if Clark had loved him back.” Kara frowned, unfamiliar with the information. “I didn’t know, Clark never mentioned it”

“Clark believed Lex was in love with Lois and that, that was the last straw, you know, not only did he lie to him, he also took the one thing he loved above all.” Lena laughed bitterly at the memory of his brother, of course he was crazy, he was planning genocide all because of a broken heart.

“He stuck with that version to make it less painful, he wanted Clark, Clark wanted Lois, Lois knew about his identity and it didn’t seem to hurt them as much as it hurt him. Us Luthor’s just don’t know how to handle heartbreak, look at Lillian hating me at such young age because my father cheated, Lex wasting his life away trying to hurt the guy that didn’t choose him.”

Shaking her head, kara wondered. “He wanted you to do the same?”

Raising an eyebrow, Lena noticed the fear in the blonde’s voice. “Yes, he wanted me to hate you or aliens in general, if he felt lucky maybe both.”

“But i do love you, Lena, more than anyone else. Does it really change anything?” Kara came closer to Lena.

“It changes everything, Kara. I have a reason to be good, to be strong. I have you, further away than i would like sometimes, but have you nonetheless. You make me Lena, just Lena, the Luthor is out of the way.”

“I feel the same, you are the humanity that keeps me grounded, you are the reason i do what i do. I’ve wanted to get rid of Kara Danvers for so long, but she was all you knew of me, not even Alex managed that, only you.” Kara admitted, the tension leaving her shoulders making Lena guess she hadn’t even admitted that to herself before.

“I know it won’t be just like it was, but i’d rather have something different than not have you at all.”

Lena realized, she wasn’t putting Kara on the line, she noticed Kara’s willingness to make it better, to help her through everything. “I’ll always be your partner at game night, i promise.”

“You better be, something tells me Alex won’t mind much.”

The air felt tense, felt strange but they felt better, they were pretty much the same. This was just them, Kara and Lena. Stuck in the middle between friends and lovers, between a rock and a hard place, between both of their beating hearts.

“Every second i need to give you to forgive me will be worth it, so worth it.” Kara said, looking at Lena with all the love in her heart.

“Will you show me your powers now?” Whispered Lena, getting a laugh from Kara.

“Do you want me to fly? To freeze something? Cause i-” Kara was interrupted by a pair of lips, stopping her in place. Lena’s lips moved against Kara’s, holding her close.

Lena had kept this part of herself hidden from Kara, the utmost wanton and longing she had for years.

Pulling away, Lena licked her lips before saying. “Sorry, you get really excited when you talk about your superpowers and i just had to.”

“I don’t mind it at all, you can do it again.” Kara chuckled, going for a second kiss, making it last until Lena’s lungs allowed it.

The damage was done, the lies, the honesty, the love all of it floating in the air. Never changing the way they felt for each other, Kara would have to work for forgiveness and Lena would have to work on herself, at least they had a new pair of lips to kiss next morning.

 


End file.
